number thirty.

I have a night to myself, and I have a need to record in writing how I am feeling but words escape me and I find myself stuck and unable to emote, so I guess I'll just record what I've been doing and hopefully come to some satisfied feeling.

The last week has been spent at student theatre, uni in general and at home. I sort of went in to sleep mode and spent a lot of the week in bed, I've been up and really happy for a couple of weeks now and stuff is starting to decline, I would wake up then do some stuff and end up back in bed in the afternoon for a couple of hours then get up, have dinner, fluff around watching television and then go to bed around 11 and get 8 to 9 hours sleep. All I wanted to do was sleep, be in bed, be stationery and non thinking, putting nothing out into the world and taking as little as possible.

I had a performance at Melbourne Uni for a celebration of student theatre, it was a good night and I met some incredible people including the founders of Theatre in Decay and Black Lung Theatre as well as some amazing writers including Lalley Katz. I got good feedback and had a good time with various artistic types who are similar to me in interests and personalities.

I guess this was the highlight of the week, I've also started writing a play to be performed next year at uni somewhere, either in student theatre or Bachelor of Performing Arts. This is going well, interesting and slow, but good i guess, a long way to go still.

Some of the medication I'm on has made me incredibly tired and so it's been reduced by half, at first the withdrawal hit me with headaches and stomach aches and now its affecting me mentally, yesterday my mood dropped to incredibly low and it's maintained that since, I feel like I'm back where I was, or going back to where I was, I dont want to talk about all the negative stuff thats going on but I feel like I need to put it down somewhere and acknowledge the absolutely shit feelings I've been having.

And this leads me to now, I have had a tumultuous 2 days and I reach now and am unable to emote or really feel, like being back on incredible amounts of drugs and being totally zonked out, I just feel nothing, maybe a little saddened by this but otherwise nothing, just nothing.

I guess I just wanted to put this down in the most inarticulate inartistic way which is all I seem to be able to manage at the moment.

I have my final assignment of the year to write which is going to be difficult as I have a $37 library fine and absolutely no money...hmmmm....

Oh, it's also my 21st birthday in two weeks and I dont really care, i just feel nothing at the moment. I'm going to watch some tv.

L.